Dear Queenie,

My wife is lactose intolerant and has a very bad allergic reaction to any kind of dairy product. The problem is, every time we are invited to meals with her family, every single dish they serve has cream, butter, cheese or milk in it, even though they all know about her allergy.

We've tried reminding them about it, but they just ignore the problem. We've tried eating before we go there, but the hostess gets offended if we don't eat her food. We've tried bringing along some food my wife can eat, but the hostess just hides it away because it's not on the menu she has planned.

Queenie, we don't expect everyone else to serve only what my wife can eat, but is it asking too much for them to provide just one dish she can eat, or to serve the food we bring?—No moo juice

Dear No moo juice,

These people are being inconsiderate at best, possibly deliberately offensive. It seems strange, as they are her relatives.

Eat before you go, and if the hostess is offended say something like, "We didn't want to miss your company, but you know my wife can't eat this kind of food." Or, if you want to make the point more emphatically, "You know damned well my wife is allergic to dairy products. Are you deliberately trying to make her sick?"